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“No- I can’t...I won’t...”

Without waiting for another moment, she left without looking back as she ran fast.

Leaving the dumbstruck Cathain standing alone in confusion, who couldn’t understand her emotions.

In anger, he punched the wall hard which made his hands bleeding but he didn’t cared.

‘What have i ever done to you for being treated like this?!’

‘I even lowered myself that much and admit my feelings!’

‘Just why does she behaves like i did some heinous sin and she can’t accept me because of that!’

The more he thought about her reaction, the more Cathain felt his blood boiling with anger.

.....

He let himself fall on the ground at his knees as he felt frustrated and covered his face with his hands.

‘Just what i need to do to get your...love?’

Meanwhile, Eleanora kept running untill she was sure that no one was around her and stopped beside a vast lake.

She kneeled down infront of the lake and saw her own reflection in the clear water.

Her blue eyes was full of tears and her face was red, her silver hair was messy too.

‘Pathetic!’

Eleanora thought with disgust as she furrowed her brows in anger after seeing her reflection.

Slap!

‘How am i any different from the past?!’

Slap!

‘Am still the same pathetic woman, who can be coaxed by a few sweet words of him!’

Slap!

‘Wake up, Eleanora! This is not what you wanted!’

Slap!

‘He is the killer of you, your children!’

Eleanora slapped herself hard as she cried silently.

Her cheeks was burning with pain and she covers her mouth with her hands to not cry out loud.

‘How dare i to pull him closer...’

‘Have i forgotten what he did to me?!’

‘Am i just a doormat for him to step on?’

‘Have i got no dignity?!’

Eleanora thought as she slapped herself a few more times.

Tears kept pouring out from her eyes which seem to have no intention of stopping.

Eleanora covered her mouth with her hands once again and bite it so that she doesn’t make a sound.

She doesn’t want to hear her crying again... Like she used to do before for him.

She doesn’t want to feel weak even if she knows she is indeed a weak person.

Eleanora felt like losing her strength and she let her body fall on the ground.

Her whole body become covered with dirt as she keep her blue eyes open blankly with her blurred vision quitely.

She felt the rain droplets fall on her and drenching her slowly but she didn’t wanted to move.

She just kept her eyes open blankly, with a heavy burden feeling on her heart.

Soon, the rain droplets started to fall more heavily; drenching her fully, who was still in a daze.

Eleanora didn’t wanted to think about anything, feel emotions anymore.

The last rain before the upcoming winter seem to make her heart colder too.

As the rain started to get more heavier, Eleanora finally sat up in a daze and crawled weakly towards the lake as she didn’t had any strength to stand up.

With a loud splashing sound, she let herself fall into the deep lake.

The dirt on her body slowly washed away from her body as she let herself drown deeper with her body curled into a ball.

Her breathing become heavier as time went by but she didn’t cared.

‘What’s the use of living like this... Isn’t it just better to die?’

‘If am not here... Nothing will be destroyed...’

‘Everything started just because of my pathetic love and obsession for him...’

‘I wouldn’t be so pathetic right now if i wasn’t back in time...’

‘I wouldn’t be back in time if i wasn’t killed...’

‘I wouldn’t be killed if i left him earlier...’

‘If i left him earlier instead of holding onto him, i would have married someone else and be happy...’

‘The duchy wouldn’t be destroyed... ‘

‘Those knights wouldn’t die to save me if i was not the empress...’

‘I could have saved them if i had surrendered myself...’

‘I don’t wanna live like this anymore...’

Eleanora thought as she choked on the water and couldn’t breathe anymore.

She opened her eyes to see the lake’s clear water surrounding her and remembered the time when she came back to the past.

That day she was in the lake too, the crown prince had saved her and then her father took her away.

‘How long will i keep waiting for someone to save me?’

‘Can’t i save myself?’

‘Will everything really be okay if i disappeared?’

Eleanora thought again as she recalled her father, Maria, Jennie, Dominic and all the knights who cared for her till now.

‘What will happen to them if i die?’

‘Am i not being foolish again by letting him rule over me again?’

With those thoughts, Eleanora moved her hands slowly as she wanted swim upward but her feet got entangled with something.

Which made her look down into the deepth of the lake, which was pitch black.

Just like her past; Which wanted to pull her down into the darkness again.

‘No... I can’t lose myself again because of some few words from him. I will change myself and become more strong.’

‘I won’t let him stomp at my feelings anymore.’

Eleanora moved her body hard and the thing which was entangled in her feet cut down as it released her to swim upward.

The blood from her feet coloured the clear water red as she moved her body towards the shining light to get out of the darkness.

‘Nothing can stop me anymore... From now on, i will save myself!’

‘I don’t need anyone to save me.’

With firm determination, she finally got up from the water and breathed the cold air.

She was panting hard because of staying in the water for such a long time.

The rain has stopped and the moon was shining brightly after the sun set a few moments ago.

Eleanora stared at the sky for a few moments before she looked away and dragged her drenched body from the lake to the ground.

She walked slowly as her feet felt heavy because of the wound and her head was dizzy.

But she didn’t gave up and continued to walk; till she finally saw the temporary fort for the imperial army.

.....

Everyone was rushing back and forth like they was searching for something in a hurry.

‘What are they searching for?’

Eleanora thought as she felt her vision becoming dark and heared someone calling her name impatiently before she fall on her knees.

“ELEEE!!”

“IT’S HER HIGHNESS THE CROWN PRINCESS!!!!”

“SHE’S BACK!!”

The knights exclaimed with relief as they saw her and the emperor, who was in panic as she didn’t was missing for the whole day ran to her.

“Where have you been?! Do you know how tensed i was-”

Cathain spoke with worry as he tried to carry her up but Eleanora raised his hands to gesture him to not touch her.

His hands which was extended towards her froze in the air as he felt hurt because of her rejection.

‘You don’t even want me to hold you now?

Am i really that disgusting to you?’

Where, Eleanora breathed heavily as she concentrated to ease the pain in her leg by using her own holy powers and got up on her own.

She didn’t looked at Cathain, who didn’t moved an inch from his position and continued to walk away.

Everyone was looking at them with shock and wondered what has happened between them.

Or is it was because of the morning incident.

But no one dared to spoke out loud.

Cathain looked at his hands which he extended to help her up and clenched it tightly.

“DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO WORK?”

The emperor roared at the onlookers and all of them left the scene as they didn’t wished to face the wrath of the emperor.

Jennifer watched both of them parting away and feel remorseful.

But just like before, there is nothing she can do about it.

She can’t expect Eleanora, who remembers the past, where she wasn’t supposed to remember; forgive the man who killed her along with her child.

Even if he was poisoned or controlled by her and the duke; it was a bitter truth that he had indeed not treated Eleanora better in the past.

A few days later~

Because of Eleanora and Cathain’s help, Jennifer successfully improved the environment of the hospital along with Dion.

‘But we still don’t have enough supplies...’

Jennifer thought as she cheaked the medicines.

She can’t even blindly ask for them to raise the medical budget.

Dion has already used his private funds and any more transfer from his hospitals could put the patients there in danger.

‘What should i do...’

Jennifer had no hope from her father as she knew he wants to screw up this war to blame the emperor and take him down.

She can’t take risk by asking for funds from her father.

‘Should i ask him then?’