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My body feels so heavy that i feel like am crushed down by a mountain.

It’s so dark here... So cold... And my body is slowly becoming numb.

I was very happy till i lost my mother at the age of ten. I felt guilty for leaving my mother alone and day by day, father become more distanced from me.

He no longer called me ‘Ele’ and i no longer called him ‘Daddy’.

But i still craved for his love, so i started to follow him around everywhere silently.

One day while secretly following my father to the royal palace, i accidentally fall into the water and Cathain saved me.

.....

The way he extended his warm hands toward me was like a ray of sun light in my dark life. That was the first and only moment in my life, where he treated me so warmly.

He was very nice to me till he noticed that i was his potential fiancee Eleanora Dalton.

I was ten back then, so i didn’t knew what i did, that made him hate me so much.

But still i craved for his love and attention. I did everything i could do in order to get his affection for me.

When i was only thirteen, he told me to prove my worth to him because he just wanted to get rid of me from his sight, which i didn’t understand and happily went to the battlefield to prove my worth.

At the age of fourteen, I returned to attend his coming of age ceremony banquet, his eighteenth birthday.

I was the youngest knight in our history.

But i was also laughed at by other womens because i was no longer a soft lady like them as i was a swordmaster.

I had tough body muscles unlike those noble ladies, my hand was no longer soft to hold as i held swords.

This hands doesn’t do the embroidery but kill people. I left for the battlefield again after a brief dance with him.

Then returned to celebrate my coming of age ceremony at the age of sixteen, as a deputy knight commander.

That day was the day when he took away my virginity in a drunken state and left me all alone the next day as nothing happened.

I went to the battlefield again with a broken heart and at the age of eighteen i become the knight commander and won the battle with Rua Kingdom.

After the emperor passed away and he raised to the throne at the age of twenty two, with the eighteen year old me as his empress.

I become the most suitable empress to assist him, throwing away my sword, my dream to protect our empire as a knight.

I waited for him in my chamber all night but he never came and finally one day he called me to his office just to satisfy his needs.

Then suddenly after a month of my first miscarriage, i was suddenly ordered to move into the abandoned palace, where the previous emperors concubine used to live.

But two generation ago, his great grand father had mascaraed and burned the whole place. Since then the place was occasionally cleaned up once or twice a year.

I was ordered to live there without any servent or anything. Only my palace attendant Rena and my nanny Maria was allowed to accompany me.

But i didn’t complained.

I worked hard everyday, for him to notice my efforts, for him to look at me, praise me, say i did a good job.

But all he did was to humiliate me. Use me like a prostitute to satisfy his needs.

Where all of his time went to someone else, his eyes that always looked at me with disgust was full of passion and love when he looked at her.

Every night, i dreamt about my babies. Their screams, pleas to me to save them, how they was scared of darkness. Every night, I would wake up at in middle of the night.

Crying all alone without anyone to comfort me a little.

Days passes by and everyone was saying she was the real empress where i was just a mere substitute because of my status.

I stood beside him but the place in his heart that belongs to me was hers. My husband was hers.

Not even once in my life i wanted to become the empress. I just wanted to be his wife. I just wanted him to love me like i love him.

But he accused me of every crimes that i never did.

Then he broke me to the point where i no longer want to wake up from this darkness was when he said Jena was pregnant.

I should have expected this, he was in love with her. If he could touch me, the women whom he hated so much, then how can he not touch the women he loves so much?

I felt pathetic, the truth was infront of me but i refused to believe it, see it, face it.

I thought he would at least respect my position as an empress. But his love for her was so great that he stomped on me to make her happy.

And i had to pay that price with my life along with my babies.

Now i only want to rest in peace and if possible i want to meet my babies again. I want to see them, touch them, talk with them.

I hope they regret what they did to us, specially Cathain. I will never forgive him for what he had did to me.

I stayed curled up in the darkness for longer than I could say. It felt like days, or even years, but time didn’t seem to move the same way here.

Suddenly light surrounded me and I began to fall.

Around me were images from my memories, floating past me as I dropped.

And I saw my death. It was replayed over and over again as if trying to make me go insane.

“Please... stop...,”

I begged as I didn’t know if anyone could hear me but I couldn’t handle this anymore.

I shut my eyes tightly, pressing my balled-up fists against my ears to block out the images and sounds, but they continued to drill themselves into my brain.

Someone please save me... Please.. I beg you...

And my prayer seem to be heard by someone as i the memories stopped to play in my brain and i felt warm water drenching my body.

I relaxed my body and let myself drown deeper and deeper.

Until i felt someone catch my wrist tightly and pull me up.

What’s happening?