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I am four months pregnant. A year ago, after my second miscarriage, The royal physician said I was unable to bear a child anymore.

I didn’t know what to do, how to keep going.

This was the one thing that I had pinned all of my hopes on for my fate to change, for him to change.

I tried every medicine, medication they told me to do. I prayed to the god to make him recognise my efforts, my love for him.

I did everything i could do, but now am feeling tired. I had always tried everything to keep his attention at me.

.....

As i was a knight commander, i wasn’t all soft and delicated like those other ladies.

So before i married him, I lost weight, tried to make myself prettier, and dedicated myself to my empress duties.

We were the most successful empire in the world and a part of that was due to me. I thought if I could make him successful then he would pay me back in kind.

However, the longer time went on, the colder and more abusive he got. He told me to prove my worth to him, i bought down every enemies and land he desired.

But whenever he had laid with me in the past it had always been cold, clinical, as if he was performing a duty rather than enjoying himself.

He never visited me in person. Just call me in his office whenever he needed me. But now i think, he only called me whenever Jena was unavailable.

Those short moments that he indulged me had been everything to me. The only times he had ever touched me with intimacy.

My skin would send sparks wherever our bodies met, and his scent would intoxicate me.

I wanted more and more of him, but once he was done he would fix himself and leave.

No apology, no sympathy.

He would rather see me suffer than give me even an ounce of love or affection. He couldn’t even spare me the decency of a glance. His lack of respect for me was evident.

I can’t stand it anymore and i want to leave this place.

I ran outside into the palace garden and the cold fresh air hit my face as I breathed it in.

The wind bit at my cheeks where my tears had fallen, forcing a chill through my body. I run my hands on my slightly bulged belly.

I wanted to tell him the news of my third pregnancy to him after this banquet.

As i always lost my child right after the doctors confirmed the news, So i didn’t even called or told anyone about this right after i felt the new existence of life, inside me.

I didn’t wanted this child to meet the same fate as the previous ones. But now am glad i didn’t.

If he heard about it right now, I knew they would be thrown aside – just as how I had been discarded.

He might even kill it with his own hands because of Jena’s child. Because if another child appears then it might become a threat to her child.

He loves her so much that he immediately made her queen and decleared her child as a heir.

I could see now that it had been for the best that I brought no children into this family. No child would make his feelings change for me, it was naive of me to think so before.

I was in an impossible situation. Every part of me wanted to run away, but this empire needed me.

I knew damn well that Jena would burn this empire to the ground if she became empress. She hadn’t had any training and I was yet to witness a single intelligent remark in her.

Literally she was just all about a pretty face and barely knew about anything. But what about my own health and the baby am carrying?

Hadn’t I suffered enough?

Four years was way too long to wear my heart on my sleeve for him. He had made a mockery of my love for him and couldn’t even respect me out of duty anymore.

I need to head back but just a little while longer I want to forget about everything, waiting for me back at the abandoned palace where i live alone.

Another hour passed and I knew it was finally time.

But suddenly i saw a man with light blonde hair was standing there, wearing a white coat, watching me intently.

As i was wearing a dress, so i didn’t had my sword with me so i didn’t dared to approach him directly.

However, the man turned his back and hid behind the trees before i could even come close.

He looked... kinda gloomy?

I was taking my steps very cautiously as am not alone now. I might hurt my child if i act recklessly.

But when i finally manage to reach the trees there was no one there. It was like there had been no one there at all.

Had i imagined the whole thing? I had just gone through something extremely traumatic, it was possible i was seeing things and needed some food and sleep.

My mind had been pushed to the brink and I knew I was close to snapping as am pregnant. I didn’t wanted another experience like what i had just seen.

I knew the news would have spread by now about Jena’s pregnancy, and I knew people would be looking at me with pity.

However, I could not risk them looking at me like I was insane. I was still an empress.

My position was now hanging by a thread and I could not risk another reason for the nobles to turn against me.

But that man’s feature reminded me of someone.

Then i shook of the idea out of my head as there is no way it can be him. He didn’t even attended the annual banquet, why would he come here in the garden?

Maybe am just too tired.