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AARYN

Aaryn crept into the cave and back into the bedroom to find Elreth still awake. She\'d turned off the lanterns but the darkness was easy for him after being outside.

He was shaky and uncertain and exhilarated, and he didn\'t quite know how to start. "You awake?" he whispered, knowing the answer.

"You okay?" she asked immediately, rolling over. She smelled warm and soft in the furs and for a moment he didn\'t want to ruin the mood, but leap in beside her, and just love her.

"Mom\'s gone," he blurted.

"What?!" Elreth sat up quickly, the sheets falling away from her naked body and making Aaryn\'s stomach clench.

"I went to the house and it was dark and empty and I looked around…" he was pacing again, clawing a hand through his hair.. "She\'s not there, and Eadhye\'s not either, and that\'s three times now, Elreth. This isn\'t just a coincidence. There\'s something going on, I\'m sure of it."

She was already out of the furs and crossing the cave to him, to pull him into a hug, leaning down to force him to meet her eyes. He didn\'t want to look at her. Didn\'t want her to see his fear and guilt—didn\'t want to see his fears reflected in her eyes. It was going to be fine. It would!

"We need to talk to someone and get some help," she said, holding his face.

He shook his head. "No, I already… I already went to the wise women. They have contact with Eadhye. They think it\'s not a big deal. That maybe they went on some retreat into the woods to reflect, or something. Anyway, they\'re going to check the house and they aren\'t back by breakfast, then they\'ll arrange a search. I need… I need to keep up with this, El. Tomorrow—"

"Tomorrow we\'ll do what we can without you and hopefully there won\'t be a problem. Maybe she\'s right, Aaryn. Maybe it\'s just bad luck. Maybe they\'ll be there in the morning."

He nodded and curled into her embrace, but the fizzing nerves in his stomach wouldn\'t settle. He\'d been calmed by talking to Rhodha, but the more he\'d thought about it as he\'d walked home, the more his instincts left his skin crawling.

His mother didn\'t like to go out even when she was feeling well. She did walk a lot at hours when there weren\'t many people around, it was true. But at high moon?

Usually night was when she was most awake and either grieving, or busying herself at the house while everyone else slept.

This just wasn\'t like her. The only soothing thought was that Eadhye was with her. Eadhye understood her. She wouldn\'t let his mother do anything rash.

Would she?

"Don\'t let yourself worry too much, okay?"

He nodded. "I know. I know. I\'m just… I feel guilty… about leaving her for so long. I was… I was enjoying us, and we\'ve been so busy since we got back."

Elreth snorted. "More than busy, Aaryn. We\'ve been facing a crisis. I\'m sure your mom isn\'t going to be mad at you for handling that."

She wouldn\'t, he knew. But that was part of his guilt. He\'d always held himself responsible to be good to his mother, because she never required it of others. She let anyone treat her any way they would. She accepted kindness and rudeness in equal measure, as if she deserved the latter, and was surprised by the former.

He had determined he would be the person in her life who always treated her with respect and kindness. Yet, since he\'d walked the Smoke and Flames, he\'d been so focused on Elreth… he\'d let himself feel okay about not seeing Mom, because it suited him.

He hated himself for that. If something had happened to her…

"Aaryn, look at me." Elreth put that hand to his face again and made him meet her eyes. "I\'m here. You aren\'t alone. You don\'t have to do this alone. It\'s not just up to you. We\'ll find her. This is going to be fine. I promise."

He nodded, but he barely heard her.

His mind spun with everything that had happened that day, all the ways he\'d discovered he\'d been wrong for so long… all the ways he\'d thought he was doing right and had still ended up leading the disformed in the wrong direction.

Had he done that with his mother as well?

He was almost certain that he had.

"Do we need to do anything right now, to find her, I mean?" Elreth asked quietly, one hand on his chest, the other at his waist.

He shook his head. "I don\'t think so. I couldn\'t do anything other than what they\'re doing and they\'re closer and… I think I just have to wait. I hope she\'s right. I hope they\'re just gone. And they\'ll come back."

Elreth continued making soothing noises and reassuring promises, as she unbuttoned his shirt and helped him put everything away and get into bed.

At some point he found himself laying in the furs, staring at the ceiling, Elreth\'s head on his shoulder and his arm at her back.

It was so… sweet. Such a joy to him to lay with her like that. To be in this together. And it felt wrong. Wrong for him to find any joy anywhere if his mother was hurt or sick.

"I have to meet with Tarkyn and then the disformed tomorrow. First thing—"

"Aaryn, we\'ll figure it out. Don\'t stress, okay? If we need to put that off for a day we can."

"Are you serious? After what happened today?"

"I mean… Yes, we have to deal with Hholdyn, but we can make that call before breakfast. Then if you need to, you can go help find your mom. If you\'re gone for the rest of the day, that\'s life. We need you on your game with the disformed. And it\'s not like they\'re going to get mad at you for taking care of her!"

The disformed might not, but wasn\'t that the problem? They were all to used to working around each other, not holding each other to the highest standards… even their training, he was beginning to see, had lacked discipline.

He really had skipped over the hierarchy. They were all skill and no glory, as Reth would have said.

Oh, shit. What was Reth going to say when he heard about this?

"Relax," Elreth murmured. "It\'s going to be fine." She was beginning to drift. Aaryn stroked her back and hair, but didn\'t speak. And soon her breathing changed.

He was glad she was resting. They were both exhausted.

But he spent a much longer time staring at the ceiling before he finally drifted off.