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Chapter 8 It\'s Because I Just Don\'t Allow It

He Gu ran out of Song Ju Han\'s house, he could not hold himself together he nearly collapsed.

Fortunately, there was no one in the elevator on that evening, otherwise he would have looked ugly with his pants in tatters.

He ran back into the car and he couldn\'t wait to start the car and drive home.

Halfway through the road, he suddenly remembered that this car was given to him by Song Ju Han. Suddenly, there was a surge of vomit in his stomach and he slammed the steering wheel and braked the car to a stop at the side of the road.

He felt tired and laid back on the chair and slowly closed his eyes.

In the past six years, Song Ju Han has not been vindictive for him. The house, the car, the precious gifts which came are different from each other and the red envelopes for the holidays, are always on time from him. When Ju Han is in a good mood, he will hold him tenderly andbet affectionate. As long as he can tolerate the temper, the two will be in quite harmonious and Song Ju Han has not treated him badly.

As for Song Ju Han sleeping with others men and telling him the story of it, it is not something He Gu can control. As he said to Feng Zheng, Song Ju Han does not love him. It is not Song Ju Han\'s fault. There is no promise or agreement between the two people. He is very aware and fully knows that the pain he experienced from Song Ju Han makes him look like a mediocrity thing and he is willing to endure it.

He thought that after so many years of running with Ju Han, he could endure many of the mistreatment from Song Ju Han, but he still underestimated the extent of Song Ju Han\'s mistreatment today.

He found a half-pack of cigarettes from the drawer and held it for a long time before he found the lighter.

Because Song Ju Han didn\'t like it, He Gu wanted to smoke even more.

He opened the window and let the cold wind rush in. The smoke rose and blurred his vision. As the taste of nicotine flew a back and forth in the lungs, his confusing brain was also awake with the stimulation from tobacco.

It\'s ridiculous. Whatever he feels for Song Ju Han is treated as a joke. This joke is like a sickle hanging over his head. For years, he was waiting for the sickle to fall, waiting for Song Ju Han to worship him back. He has been preparing for that day. Now, he feels he is far from that day ever happening.

The phone rang suddenly, He Gu heart trembled and he quickly took it over. At first glance, it was a strange number. He called out and answered the phone: "Hello?"

"He Gu, it is me." Feng Zheng\'s voice came from the phone.

"Well, say it." He Gu voice was very cold. He is not usually this cold. But after the verbal conflict of that day, it is even more pissing to give Feng Zheng a good face.

" I want to apologize to you about the things I saidthat day,."

"It\'s nothing."

"Your umbrella is here with me, I want give it back to you."

"It\'s just an umbrella, there is no need to give it back."

Feng Zheng smiled and said: "I just wanted to have an excuse to see you again, give me a little face will you?."

He Gu sighed: "Feng Zheng, what do you want now?"

Feng Zheng\'s hardhead is not to be ignored. For the past six years, Feng Zheng had no need for his hospitality. But he still does not believe that Feng Zheng will not be cordial to him.

The phone conversation was silent for a moment: "Just thinking of you, I was just thinking about our past good times."

He Gu heart suddenly became a bit sour and He Gu couldn\'t help but recall the fact that when he and Feng Zheng were in college together. They really had a good time, although most of the time they were only flirting around each other and finally they fell in love. It was also very difficult. The only person other in his life who has been through his heart is Feng Zheng. He Gu is a person who is into long-term like/love. Otherwise, he will not like a person for so long. Feng Zheng is always in his heart and was always placed in a sun-filled corner, it was the lush good years that they could never go back to. Because those years were really beautiful, He Gu couldn\'t be too cold hearted towards this man.

Feng Zheng said again: "I promise not to mention you and Song Ju Han issues, can we still be friends?"

"You..." He Gu say helplessly: "Even if you say it, we will still be friends."

Feng Zheng smiled: "Speaking of it. When are you free, I want to invite you out to eat."

"I\'m a bit busy with the project at hand, there have been too many things lately."

"What are you doing now? Listening to the voice around you it doesn\'t sound like you are at home."

He Gu stumbled, "Yeah, just finished the shift, I am going home."

"I am in a friend\'s bar, not far from your company, wanna come over for a drink?"

"No, today has been too tiring and I don\'t feel like running around."

"You are still so afraid of contact with strangers." Feng Zheng smiled and said: "Are you afraid of me?"

There is a hint of incomprehensible petting in the voice.

"I am not afraid of anything, I am really tired."

"Well, then go back and have a rest and I will meet you again."

Hanging up the phone, He Gu calmed down the mood, he finished the cigarette and drove the car back home.

The home is empty, there is no atmosphere of life in it, he rarely eats at home, once the work gets busy, he goes home and takes a bath, sleep, there is no time to do anything else, this house sometimes feels more like a hotel to him,.

This apartment was also given by Song Ju Han. It looks like Song Ju Han is still supporting him financially. Although he does not need anyone to support him, if he has to buy a house in the Third Ring. He would have to pay ten or twenty years of mortgage.

Regarding the fact that Song Ju Han gave him a car, he did not feel insulted and never felt grateful. These things did not make much sense to him. His material requirements were very low. He had a calm personality of life even if he rented a house and squeezed into the subway. If Song Ju Han wants to give him something, it is Song Ju Han who is doing it voluntarily, just like He Gu is rushing to love someone who can\'t love him back and that is also voluntary. Nothing is special about it.

However, every time he and Song Ju Han are not happy, He Gu will think that the car, the house, and experience and have an eye-opening dilemma, especially this ever-empty, unhabitated house, it will only remind him once and for all how lonely he is and the house indicates that there if one day Song Ju Han is cold and tired, He Gu may have to go on being alone forever.

After that day, the two had not been in contact for half a month.

Half a month is actually not long. When Song Ju Han is busy recording a song, it is normal for them to not see each other for one or two months, but the last time was not because of a happy goodbye, that was the most intense conflict between the two people in six years. This makes it into every day suffering.

After the anger was diffused, He Gu wanted to call Song Ju Han several times and he could not gather up the courage. He was not too shameful, but he was afraid to know if they had gone to the mountains and fell into water(broken up). He repeatedly tested Song Ju Han\'s time limit for him and tried his own bottom line again and again. Every time he opened a hole in his heart, it gave birth to some self-abuse sense of salvation, because now Song Ju Han is more disappointed and He Gu is just waiting for the day of separation, the better he will be when it comes, the more he will wait for him to squander his feelings about Song Ju Han. He should be able to leave.

But it is still not working now, not yet. He is running like a man chased by explosives. Is it explosive or something else because if it is explosives then he has no time to stop and catch a break, but it is not just explosive but no matter where he stops, the bomb will explode and he will certainly be injured. He knew that earlier that when he stops the damage can be lighter, but he seem to not be able to stop his legs.

One day, he couldn\'t help himself. He quietly called Xiao Song. He deliberately called him at eleven o\'clock in the evening. He thought that Xiao Song should have gone home. I didn\'t expect the phone to be connected. It was KTV sound, Xiao Song voice is not small. In KTV, he also deliberately yelled at the call and shouted: "Hello, He Gu?"

1].... KTV is a karaoke TV entertainment place.... You would see this in plenty of Korean drama they go and sing into a closed.

He Gu closed his eyes: "It\'s me."

"You wait, I am going out to tell you something." Xiao Song obviously drank some wine, he had a little loose tongue when he is drunk.

After a while, the phone voices were quieter and He Gu spoke: "Xiao Song, have you not been home yet?"

"Are you looking for Brother Han?."

He Gu regretted making this call and Song Ju Han should have heard it... He was completely familiar with Xiao Song and if there is fight between him and Song Ju Han..... Xiao Song didn\'t have to guess the reason.

"Brother He Gu?"

"Ah, oh, have fun, I will hang up first."

"What\'s wrong? You must have something to say?." Xiao Song made a wine burp and continued: "This is nothing, I am not high, you can say it."

He Gu voice was nearly inaudible:" How is Ju Han recently?"

Xiao Song paused and his voice was a bit reluctant: "He\'s good, just busy, haven\'t you seen him recently?"

"No..." He Gu didn\'t know what he wanted to hear from this phone call? He wanted to bang his head and said, "How is his mood in these two days?"

"These two days are not bad. In the first half of the month, Jesus.... he was terrible. I had almost made a letter of resignation, but then he calmed down"

"Oh..." He Gu didn\'t you know what to say.

Xiao Song also felt a little embarrassed: "He Gu, brother, have you two quarreled?"

"Not like that."

"When he is in a good mood, I will mention you to him."

He Gu face had a bitter smile: "Thank you."

He Gu felt like a concubine waiting for the Emperor\'s favour to turn to him. It is also necessary to rely on Xiao Song, a small eunuch, to help him out a good word to the Emperor, otherwise the Emperor would have forgotten him.

But he really wants to see Song Ju Han, he can\'t be satisfied with just looking at photos and videos.

Sometimes, he is very glad that in the past six years, Song Ju Han has never given him a little hope, otherwise He Gu will be tortured by his possessive desire and delusion.

Hanging up the phone, He Gu sat in the dark for a while and then pressed play on the new album that Song Ju Han made last year. The 65-inch big TV he bought has arrived and such a large size seems to be a lot out if his normal style.

He Gu leaned into the soft sofa and watched the handsome man in the TV like a man in the dark night, listening to the whispering sounds in the ear like a bewitching spell, his heart could not suppress the tremble rising up.

There are so many people in the world who like Song Ju Han, but since he can get so close to Song Ju Han, he should be content.

He warned himself of this contentment again and again.

A phone ringing woke him up. He slammed his eyesoprn and found that he didn\'t know when he fell asleep on the sofa. Song Ju Han\'s album on the TV has a ended already.

He Gu took the mobile phone, it was already more than two o\'clock in the middle of the night. He was called by Xiao Song. He was startled in his heart. It would not be that Ju Han got in accident.

He quickly connected the phone: "Hello Xiao..."

"He Gu, brother, Brother Han has gotten into some trouble here, can you come over?"

He Gu felt the earth shatter and he jumped from the sofa: "What happened?"

"I don\'t know how someone leaked to the fans that he is here. Now the fans have blocked the front and rear doors of the KTV place. Brother Han drank the wine and is getting angrier."

He Gu felt relieved. He thought that Song Ju Han was in danger. He said: "I am at home now... Hey, isn\'t your company prepared for things like this?" He Gu was afraid that he would not be able to do anything even if he gets there.

Xiao Song said: "This, if the boss knows, he will blame me for not protecting the whereabouts of Brother Han, so..."

He Gu understands it: "Give me the address, I will get there soon." He Gu quickly put on his clothes, took the key and rushed out of the house.

At night, there were fewer cars, so He Gu even drove pass two red lights and rushed to KTV at the fastest speed.

Sure enough, at the KTV door there are full crazy fans, as well as passers-by.

He Gu pushed the crowd and squeezed into the doorway. He stood out in a pile of little fan girls and he looked quite awkward.

The KTV bodyguard stopped him at the door gave him a look: "Are you He Gu...?"

"Yes, I am."

The bodyguard let him in.

When He Gu got inside before he even got to the box he heard Song Ju Han voice thundering inside.

"Get off, I want to go home, who is the motherfucker dare to stop me-"

"Brother Han, you have fans outside, you can\'t do this.... your image..."

"Fans are bullshit, what are the fans mean to me? They are a bunch of idiots, do they even know me, do I know them? Go away!"

There was a sound of something breaking inside.

He Gu pushed the door open and he saw Xiao Song\'s sweating blocking Song Ju Han and there were two male waiters next to him and his face was flustered.

After Song Ju Han saw He Gu he stayed still and frowned. "How come you are here?"

Then he looked at Xiao Song: "You told him to come? You dared... who the hell let you make this decision on your own!"

"Brother Han, Brother Han, you listen to me, tomorrow, when you wake up, you can swear and cuss at me, you just can\'t do it now. You listen to me, if you are photographed like this, Song He will kill me." Xiao Song cried quickly and kept ask for a miracle help.

He Gu understood this. Xiao Song was looking for him to appease Song Ju Han. Otherwise, there are so many bodyguards and waiters inside and outside. It\'s easy to get Song Ju Han out of here, but Song Ju Han is now alcoholic drunk and angry, probably will break our in swearing infront of his fans and if something was said or done wrong it would be troublesome.

He Gu went over and said: "Ju Han you calm down, there are really a lot of fans outside, maybe there are reporters, now..."

Song Ju Han grabbed his collar: "Who the hell said you can come over....fuck off!"

He Gu didn\'t care about his tantrum, but he gently grabbed his hand: "Ju Han, you don\'t usually drink alcohol, so don\'t let alcohol control you okay?"

The reason for the He Gu appearance is very positive, he is like a mature man with calming effect the score is not bad, hid facial features are correct, neither too good looking but you can not pick faults with it, he is handsome, but also give people a reliable, trustworthy feeling they are looking at him, when He Gu uses a serious eye and a gentle voice to appease people, he can give people an unusually sense of secure relaxed.

Xiao Song gave everyone else a look and several people went away. There were only two people left in the private room.

Song Ju Han waved his hand and screamed: "I want to go home, I feel suffocated here, make the fools outside go away."

He Gu pressed his shoulder and made him sit on the sofa with a strong hand holding his back neck: "I will send you home later, but now you have calm down, okay?"

Song Ju Han closed his eyes, his long eyelashes trembled slightly and his breathing became much smoother.

He Gu looked at Ju Han slightly twitching eyelashes, thinking of his wayward temper, hid lips could not help but posed out a bitter smile. Song Ju Han likes to get body massages. In order to let Song Ju Han have a reason to stay with him, He Gu deliberately learned how to give massages. In fact, in order to get closer to Song Ju Han, he has done a lot things that requires efforts, but Song Ju Han probably won\'t know that for a lifetime.

After a while, Song Ju Han really calmed down, He Gu quickly poured a glass of water for him.

Song Ju Han drank his mouth fill and opened his eyes and looked at him: "Since when is your relationship with Xiao Song so good?"

"We are okay friends."

Song Ju Han smiled sarcastically: "Did you let Xiao Song call you over today? I thought you called him earlier tonight. You think I didn\'t know? I was sitting next to him."

He Gu didn\'t know how to explain it, he simply smiled by default.

Song Ju Han smiled a little: "It\'s only been half a month, I thought you would stick to it for a longer time."

He Gu felt some confusion in his heart and his head is too shamed to lift up.

Song Ju Han took another gulp and suddenly put the cup on the table. His hand ruthlessly grabbed He Gu hair, forcing him to raise his head and then the hot lips descend on him.

He Gu had trace of surprise in his eyes.

Song Ju Han\'s tongue swept the oral cavity again, only then he let him go.

He Gu licked his lips and a pair of dazed black sly eyes looked at Song Ju Han without any shame.

He Gu had a slightly confused look when he licked his lips and Song Ju Han spoke words which tugged his heart: "you missed me?"

He Gu held Song Ju Han\'s chin and his eyes were like watching his own prized possession.

He Gu nodded

"How much did you miss me?"

"I thought of you every day."

Song Ju Han stretched out his finger and patted him on the heart: "Is it more like here..."

Then the other hand moved down and touched the crotch. "Or more like this here?"

He Gu held his face and kissed him tenderly: "I want to go home."

Song Ju Han smiled and his mood was a lot better. He knew He Gu could not go on without him.

He Gu showed him a smile: "Let\'s go home."

Song Ju Han did not move. He gently touched his face with his slender fingers and his eyes were deep. "Zhuang Jie Yu told you that I had sex with others?"

The smile on He Gu face froze.

Song Ju Han smiled and said: "It\'s true. Sometimes when I need it, you would be tired. It\'s too disappointing, so I\'ll find a second man."

Ju Han stroked the rosy lips tracing the lips and said, "But I never took you to have sex with them, do you know why?"

No matter how expressionless He Gu face was he still said: "I don\'t fool around."

"Its not that you don\'t want to fool around I just don\'t allow it." Song Ju Han pinched his face: "You are very clean. You have been with me since I graduated from college. Your life circle is also very simple. I don\'t like statement of love, so I like you. You are clean. Do you understand? Don\'t let anyone touch you, because this is your only advantage."

He Gu looked at this favorite face, only to look confused, his eyes blurred to some extent that he can not see clearly. His heart felt suffocated so much that it was difficult to organize the words or speak. In the end, he just nodded calmly. His face was like a mask of a copper wall, blocking the sword from the outside and blocking the emotion from it.

Song Ju Han looked at the dazed He Gu and frowned slightly and kissed him with a sigh of relief: "Come, lets go home."

He Gu stood up, he walked behind Song Ju Han, looking at this back, even if it was a back, it seemed to radiate sonething.

He spent ten years following this back, he tried his best to get close and approach it again, but it was just like this, the gap between the two would never disappear, even if he caught corner of Song Ju Han affection, What a change?

He Gu took a deep breath and couldn\'t help but smile.

In fact, he guessed it. The reason why Song Ju Han didn\'t break with him for so many years. He was just doing it because he liked comfort and safety he found in He Gu. He Gu was safe in all senses. He didn\'t go out into chaos - he didn\'t break the rules, he didn\'t give Song Ju Han trouble. Today, Song Ju Han\'s remarks are nothing more than confirming his conjecture.

Nothing more.

In fact, he felt that he and Song Ju Han were having a n equivalent exchanges. Song Ju Han got security from him. He Gu got companionship from Song Ju Han and both of them got what they wanted and they all were fulfilled in the end

As for the pain and despair he experienced, it has nothing to do with others people, just like he likes Song Ju Han and it is only his own business and no one else.