YM778.TV Chapter 117
The three servants, who must have had much to say, closed their mouths as if they tasted something sour; I felt embarrassed and angry.
Eventually, I bowed my head and muttered, “After becoming a User… I couldn’t keep in contact because I was too busy.”
However, I felt a bit uncomfortable even as I said that.
Though I wasn’t in quite a comfortable environment, as soon as I became a user, my classmates soon repaid their alcohol debts to me and called me to outings. Many people also bought me meals to congratulate me.
I honestly wondered if I could call him a ‘friend,’ but I didn’t want to admit that I was a loser. So, I swallowed the truthful words that threatened to spill out. Instead, I rambled about my honest feelings about Ki-seok as if I were justifying myself. “Also Han Ki-seok… Honestly, it’s true that I’m a pushover.”
“……”
“But that guy, he wasn’t bad every day. He treated me well sometimes.” As I spoke, I naturally remembered the past.
Han Ki-seok was my seatmate when I transferred into the school. When everything was unfamiliar and I felt anxious, he offered to eat lunch together and said that his home was in the same direction as mine and walked to and fro with me.
In addition, at that time my parents used to yell at each other that they wanted to divorce; I had to run out and escape because I had no desire to hear their marital discord–their shouting and swears–in that small house.
My parents, who both contributed to the household income, usually came back late at night and quarreled until dawn. So, I was used to walking the streets at night alone. Then, Han Ki-seok found me sitting on a park bench.
At that time, we weren’t even close, but Han Ki-seok called out to me without passing by, asking what I was doing and leading me to a convenience store. “Let’s eat some ramen,” he said. Like that, I played around with him until 2 am until I could return to a tranquil house.
And the next day, I called Han Ki-seok in the middle of the night without any expectations. When I asked, ‘Do you want to hang?’ he simply responded, ‘What do you want to do?’ And, when I mumbled and couldn’t answer easily, he didn’t interrogate me and still came out candidly. Like the day before, we went to the convenience store and ate an onigiri and played games for an hour in a PC room 1 owned by an older boy he knew.
The next day–the day after that–from then on, Han Ki-seok came out without another word whenever I called him. He stayed with me for hours until we parted at around 2 to 3 am.
It was natural to become obsessed with someone who would, during your darkest moments, come to the playground in front of your house without a hint of dissatisfaction and stay with you until dawn. Now that I think about it, I couldn’t tell if I truly liked Han Ki-seok or whether I was too lonely to endure life without him.
However, after I started to think I wanted to date him and he noticed those feelings, it became a problem. Han Ki-seok was always quick-witted so he had already guessed how I felt even though I hadn’t confessed. I had found out later when I happened to eavesdrop on him.
It was a real shock at the time. There were times when Han Ki-seok was overly harsh to me, but to find out that was because he knew I liked him…
So, I blamed myself a lot afterwards. I criticized myself–what a fool who made the only friend I had uncomfortable with my unwanted feelings. To be honest, later I realized that Han Ki-seok, who could have just rejected me, was worse. But, back then, I had believed it was all my fault.
I couldn’t cut off relations with Han Ki-seok right after I found out that he actually disliked me. I couldn’t even show my hurt in front of the other, and he was free to swing me around as much as he wished whenever he called me to his side.
Later, after Han Ki-seok became a User and stopped contacting me, I was able to do some self-reflection, but, simultaneously, depression settled within me deeply. After recovering to some extent, I thought I should organize my interpersonal connections for my own self-esteem. At first, I swore that Han Ki-seok was trash and blocked his number, though he would have never called me anyway. With vengeance, I had childishly imagined, ‘I’ll succeed and make you regret everything!’
However, none of that put me at peace. As if a knife were cutting into me, it was always on my mind like something I couldn’t let go of. Eventually, I decided to admit to myself that Han Ki-seok was once good to me and he was the person I needed at that time. It was true that I staved off my loneliness with the fulfilling warmth he exuded. I forgave him one-sidedly just to throw away this hurt.
“….That’s what happened.” But, when I tried to speak these words into reality, there were too many emotions that were hard to explain. The story came out as rambling; it was a bit hard to understand.
However, it was hard to stand the annoying looks the servants were adopting. In the end, I asked in an impatient tone, “What’s with those pitying looks?”
Then, Jung Garam replied in an impudent tone, as if he was waiting for a chance to speak, “I was just feeling sorry for the Choi Lee-kyung who believed that the other was a friend even though he was being robbed of a lot of money.”
“It wasn’t that I believed it, it’s just……Haah. It’s fine. Really.”
To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would understand no matter how eloquently I spoke. In particular, these Red Lotus guys, who’ve lost their lives due to Bae Jaemin’s betrayal, probably wouldn’t understand how I don’t hate him or actively search for revenge. In that context, their frustrated faces were understandable.
“You can’t hate him just because he was kind to you just a few times…”
“……”
“Han Ki-seok is simply just a nasty guy. He may have been nice a few times, but his affection was fickle. You shouldn’t have to hesitate to cut him out. I’ve seen a lot of bullies like him.” Following Jung Garam, Kim Olim also made her statements. She shook her head–it seemed as if she was thinking of my feelings.
Unexpectedly, Kim Olim didn’t criticize me and said, “Well, it seems like you don’t really need my advice if you haven’t contacted him yet.”
Then, she reached out and stroked my head–a rare gesture from her. Is this her version of consolation? I couldn’t avoid it, so I stared at her a bit awkwardly……
“……Don’t pretend to be cute. A full grown adult shouldn’t have that expression…it’s too much.” She said, rapidly taking her hand off when our eyes met.
When did I act cute though?? I was bewildered, but I couldn’t even complain because Kim Olim had such a serious expression.
Seo Dawon, who watched over us, smiled and opened his mouth, trying to clean up the situation. “If you’re done eating, shall we go back to what we were discussing yesterday?”
* * *
Afterwards, the table was quickly cleaned, and the traitor’s profiles were placed on top. Among them, there were some faces I knew–a few I saw through the [Vengeful Ghost’s Memories] and a few I saw with Bae Jaemin, and there were some faces I didn’t recognize.
Those who worked in the Red Lotus guild or those the guild members personally knew were marked in red. Most impressively, Koo Kyungman’s profile was greyed out. Was that because he’s already been dealt with? Anyways, I shook my head, trying to shake away the memories of when I last saw him.
Following Koo Kyungman was the person named [Park Hoseok]. When I saw his brutal impression exuded by the photo, I had thought I had seen him somewhere.
It turned out that Park Hoseok was one of the party members accompanying Bae Jaemin at the department store. So I knew that his face was familiar, but… It wasn’t that I knew this face well, but I felt like we’ve talked about Park Hoseok before, somehow.
However, I didn’t have much time to dig into this contradiction. The servants were busily engrossed in plotting out traps to catch the traitors, sharing data and the speculations that they had been investigating…The strange feeling felt insignificant, so I started paying attention to what they were saying without further lingering thoughts.
“In Park Hoseok’s profile, we should pay attention to his career path. After [Red Lotus’s] execution, he moved to [Red Dragon] and is now an executive of [Ha Hae]. And, strangely enough, the fact that he’s the owner of [Gae Bolg] is not publicly well-known information.”
TL: Short update while I’m in between classes. I hope you’ve enjoyed the back-to-back 3 chapters! I’ll probably have a more erratic schedule after this (for example, next update will be in 2-3 days) Because I’ve started a new semester of grad school already and am teaching the introductory class of my department >.< 30 baby undergrads!!
In some ways, this chapter was both relaxing and hard to translate because it was so easy to relate to Lee-kyung. I can’t help but feel that ultimately deciding that Ki-seok was “someone who was once good to me” and that “he needed him at the time” before forgiving both himself and the other was an emotionally mature thing to do.