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Chapter 317: Starvation IV

While he cried, I wobbled deeper into the alleyway we took as a home, escaping my guilt, escaping them.

Thoughts plagued me for what I had done as my faltering steps echoed in the silence.

\'What... No, I was-I\'m not like this. This isn\'t me.\'

\'Why did I do that?\'

I was never someone who would hit my kids; I never laid my hands on them, not even once...

\'It\'s not my fault; it\'s because I was tense-the hunger, those junkies-they were the ones at fault, not me. Yes, I did nothing wrong. I\'m a victim.\'

I fell down to the ground, knees scraping against the cold.

\'... Our lives weren\'t supposed to be like this. We don\'t deserve this!\'

My hands reached out to my face as I covered my mouth, and after a moment, a guttural scream left my dry throat.

"FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!"

-

Eventually, I calmed down, and all went back to normal.

But something was amiss.

Me, I couldn\'t work, I couldn\'t beg, I couldn\'t scrape for trash.

And so... seeing the state that I was in, my wife had to step up. Sell her body.

The mother of my children had to become a prostitute.

This... it was something I feared more than anything.

While I wouldn\'t deny feeling some regret for rejecting the gang\'s offer, that regret always disappeared when I saw my wife smile at my arrival, welcoming me home.

At those moments, I would always thank the stars for my decision.

Yet... look at me now.

I was scared for her, that was certain, but there was something else that I couldn\'t shake from my mind.

Uttering it felt like a dare beyond my ability, so I immediately stopped dwelling on it and focused my mind on making a decision.

I would lose what was left of my already diminished dignity, but I...

I couldn\'t bring it upon myself to reject her.

"The kids need to eat."

Yes, that was my answer.

I failed as a man, a provider.

I failed as a husband, a father.

While I recuperated from my injuries, people came along. She asked, begging them to take her, but none did, seeing her as nothing but bones, not desirable even for ten UC, the average price of a cup of coffee, or so I heard.

When I saw that, I almost smiled, happy that she wasn\'t going to be taken advantage of, yet also secretly angry that she was of no use.

But those feelings of mine didn\'t last for long.

A few men bought my wife for an entire night; they took turns on her in some ditch, and I was there, lying down on the ground, hungry like always, listening to her scream in pain as they let out their lust on her, using her body as they would a piece of fuckable meat.

My hands, which had once covered my children\'s ears, now fell as I covered my own.

They began to cry, but I didn\'t listen; I didn\'t dare to. Like a coward, I turned my back on them and closed my eyes, wishing for a Reaper to take me.

Cold was my body as was my heart, in these freezing slums, I lay, broken both in heart and body.

Eventually, I managed to sleep, somehow, though their small hands constantly tapped my back, seeking my attention, begging for me to be their father... Yet, I remained motionless. When I woke up, it was the next day, a day I thought wouldn\'t arrive, and one I hoped never would.

I turned to my side and noticed my wife, lying on her back.

She looked miserable, many times more than usual, her eyes puffy from crying, her clothes torn even more, leaving much of her body bare to see, her face bruised, and her hair muddy.

But... she was smiling as she slept.

It appeared that she bought and ate some food while I escaped the horror that was my life. The kids seemed to have eaten as well.

She might\'ve left something for me, but I didn\'t dare touch whatever she bought. Even though I escaped my responsibility yesterday, I still held some semblance of...

Of...

No, nothing was left.

I ate it all.

Like an animal, I scrounged on all the bread, and it was the best moment of my life.

It was so so good.

Thirst plagued me after I finished eating, but not for long as I found some half-drunk water bottle discarded on the corner of the street.

I rushed to it before anyone could.

As I drank that water, emptying the bottle in seconds, a woman walking down the street spotted me and walked over while waving her hand.

She had a nutrition bar in hand, and she threw it over to me, taking pity.

Then she told me to visit her if I wanted more; \'Mother\'s Kitchen\' was her restaurant\'s name.

I nodded repeatedly at her words, not listening a single bit, and when she left, I ate the entire thing without a single thought about my children\'s or wife\'s well-being.

It tasted incredible, divine, as if it came from heaven itself.Nôv(el)B\\\\jnn

Heaven... Truly, the Wheel seemed to have blessed me today for I have never eaten so much in

my entire life.

I basked in the aftermath, enjoying the taste of what seemed to be pizza on my tongue, but

that moment didn\'t last long.

My sanity returned.

Realization dawned on me.

Guilt had replaced any feeling of satisfaction that once bathed my entire being.

I didn\'t only fail them, but I\'ve also robbed what she earned for them.

What kind of human was I? Such an ugly, ugly, being, no worse than the trash that abused my

wife.

Slowly, my feet began to step forward, one after the other, until it was a full-on sprint.

I couldn\'t help but run away from them. Once again.

Facing my family after what I had done would break my mind; it was a terrifying feeling.

They would wake up, expect food, but see nothing but an empty bag...

Oh, how I wished for them to die.

I prayed to whoever existed up above, I prayed for them to kill my children, my wife, and

myself.

It was all so that they wouldn\'t ask me for a piece of bread.

Not feeding them was one thing but stealing from them? Death was better than what this

was.

But I knew that it was a luxury I couldn\'t afford. I had, no, I needed to get credits; no matter

how small of an amount, I needed to repay her.

So I ran to a place all knew as a death zone.

It was where the low-level gangs played.

That was the only place I could guarantee myself a few credits-a place where bodies of

beggars more desperate than I am lay dead.

Knowing death was close was terrifying, but... \'Right now, joining them doesn\'t sound too bad.\'