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‘Why didn’t I think of this earlier?’

Midwives were not official professionals. They had more medical knowledge than the public, but these women were certainly not doctors. On top of that, the midwife Poliana saw yesterday had an awful personality. Since she seemed like an awful person, that old woman probably was an awful midwife too.

Poliana finally felt much better. She calculated the days and realized that it would be too difficult to tell if she was indeed pregnant at this stage. It was very possible that the midwife was mistaken.

Poliana put on a different dress and a handkerchief than yesterday to go out. Her butler didn’t say a word; he only helped her get ready and opened the door for her. Poliana, feeling a little guilty, gave an unnecessary excuse for her outing, “I am on a secret mission to check on the Third Division’s work.”

The butler did not doubt his mistress’s word. Instead, he felt sorry for the Third Division.

***

Poliana sighed as she walked the street.

‘I better find a different midwife to see what she says.’

Today, Poliana rode her horse to the city center. The most accurate way of finding out would be to see the royal gynecologist, but if she did, everyone would know the truth. To keep her secret, Poliana needed to visit a village midwife.

Poliana asked around, making a point of only asking women in her same age group. She asked a few women and luckily, Poliana learned that there was a famous midwife living nearby.

Because she was so popular, this midwife’s place was very busy. Most people waiting were women, although there were a few husbands that came with their wives. There also were a few kids who came with their mothers, making the waiting area rather noisy.

Poliana waited with a rigid face. She was sweating profusely, and when it finally came to be her turn, the midwife examined her and announced, “You are still at a very early stage, so I’m surprised that you already know. Yes, you are indeed with a child.”

“Arghh…”

“Why are your hands so rough and calloused? You better be more careful now that you are pregnant.”

“Arghh…”

It was like a death sentence to her. It was actually worse than a death sentence. As Poliana walked out of the midwife’s house, her shoulders slumped. She felt weak; Poliana was able to reach where her horse was waiting for her, but she didn’t feel strong enough to get on top of it.

Two midwives confirmed her pregnancy. She was pregnant; there was no denying it now. After spending the night with Lucius the First, Poliana went into intense training. There should’ve been a high chance that she miscarried from it, but her baby still survived.

‘I can’t believe the baby is still alive after me training so hard…’ Both midwives told her that she needed to take it easy. The training she went through wasn’t something Poliana planned herself. It was something created by the infamous First Division. There were moments during the training when Poliana wondered if she might die from it.

‘Rebecca…’

The memories of her friend made Poliana feel bitter. Lady Rebecca was forced to spend most of her pregnancy in bed and even then, she did not survive childbirth. Suddenly, Poliana shivered in fear. It was a good thing Lucius the First was currently unmarried. If he wasn’t… If Poliana became pregnant when he was still married…

‘If it happened then, I would’ve had no choice but to commit suicide.’

How shameful would that be? If it happened, Poliana wouldn’t have been able to face the emperor’s wives. She really would’ve killed herself out of shame and embarrassment.

Poliana returned home and washed up. She changed into her usual uniform and went to the castle to visit Princess Luminae. In the past, the princess had three mothers, but now, she had none. The only family Princess Luminae had was her father, but this wasn’t an unusual situation. The princess had plenty of nannies and maids that she would never be truly alone. Besides, all nobles and royal families never raised their own children.

Princess Luminae was now past her newborn stage. She was growing fast and strong, making her father Lucius the First proud. Now chubby, the princess was adorable. She only inherited the best features of her parents. Princess Luminae was so pretty that people believed she would grow up to be an even greater beauty than her own father.

When the princess spotted Poliana, who visited her often, she recognized her and reached out to her. Poliana saw the princess’s cute chubby fingers and smiled. Poliana buried her face on the baby’s tummy. The wonderful smell of the baby and her warmth felt unfamiliar, but for some reason, Poliana missed it.

Everyone was a baby at one point in life, but no one really remembered being a baby. Perhaps people liked children because they missed the time of their lives they didn’t really remember.

Poliana smiled bitterly and whispered to the princess, “I did something very wrong, Princess.”

Poliana was a friend of the princess’s late mother. Rebecca used to be the one person Poliana could talk to about anything and everything. They were honest with each other and their friendship was real. Dirty chats, dangerous topics, disgusting words, horrible treacherous thought… Poliana and Rebecca used to share their lives. If Rebecca was still alive, Poliana would’ve told her about this situation.

More accurately, if Rebecca was still alive, something like this would’ve never happened. No matter how drunk Poliana gets, she would never take advantage of a married man.

Poliana slept with the husband of her dead friend. This ugly thought made her even more upset.

‘Should I really kill myself?’

If Rebecca was alive and heard what happened, how would she react? Would she have hated her? Found her disgusting? Or would she have just nagged her and in fact found it funny? Either way, Poliana would’ve loved to have her friend back. She missed Rebecca.

Poliana was a knight. She has always been a knight, which meant that she learned to not be too sentimental about friendships and memories of those who were no longer alive. This was necessary for her sanity, so Poliana quickly erased the thoughts of Rebecca. Missing her was making her feel even guiltier. She was already feeling bad about it so she didn’t need anything to make her feel worse.

Only

Poliana asked the baby princess, “What should I do?”

Dammit! What was she supposed to do? She got drunk and made a huge mistake. Other people made drunken mistakes all the time and lived their lives fine, so why did her life have to change so much from a single misstep? Why did she have to get pregnant?

‘Should I go tell the truth?’

The emperor and Poliana decided to forget about what happened, but now, there was going to be a child. A child… This wasn’t something they could forget about. So should she go to Lucius the First and tell him the truth? How should she explain this to him?

“Your highness… I am sorry to tell you but about that night… I believe I am suffering from a side effect from it.”

To this, Lucius the First would ask her, “Oh, what is the side effect?”

If she replied, “I am pregnant,” what kind of reaction would the emperor have?